YES, it’s true. It took my a very long time to come to terms with this reality.
You see, It’s in my nature to wish everyone well, I’m your biggest fan, your cheerleader, coach, mentor. I celebrate your successes, I encourage you on your journey and support you in your defeats. That’s just how I was brought up.
In my naivety I genuinely believed EVERYONE thought this way. To the extent that when other people pointed out the opposite, I brushed it off and refused to believe it.
Part of me wanted to try to figure out why they felt this way. I thought, well if I explained how these great things came to pass for me , I’d tell them good things just don’t come out of the blue, it takes years of preparation, discipline, hard work, perseverance and grit. Then maybe they can self reflect and change their mind. Heck maybe it can even inspire them to pursue their goals with this new insight I shared with them.
I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU’RE PROBABLY THINKING .. YA, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT !!
Since I was struggling , I brought it up to a mentor and he asked me this one question “Don’t you think you’re taking on a responsibility that is not yours to take on?” He was absolutely right. He didn’t have to say anything else. I got it. It is not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable with your successes. When we do this we take time, focus and energy away from the projects that got us to the positions we earned to be in the first place. It also depletes our emotional and physical well being by trying to be all things to all people, Sometimes people just have to figure things out on their own.
YOU CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT FIX EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE !!
So let me save you a lot of time and some heartache.
ACCEPT THIS REALITY!!
The moment you step out of the circle and start to shine on your own, there will be some people that will criticize , gossip and talk behind your back. Some will even try to sabotage your growth, promotion or whatever that good thing is coming your way.
Reminds me of the lyrics in one of Taylor Swift ‘s songs “people throw rocks at things that shine.” (If you don’t know who Taylor Swift is, just ask you kiddos, they’ll know)
For some people your bright light is too much for their eyes to handle. They feel threatened by the brightness as it reflects on their shortcomings. It’s really not about you and your success. It’s a reflection of their self talk. Because the more other people rise above , their lack of productivity is exposed. Frankly, if that person was content with their current situation, your successes would not bother them.
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS REALITY ?
- KEEP SHINING
- KEEP MOVING FORWARD
- PICK YOUR HEAD UP
- DON’T BE COCKY ABOUT IT
- IGNORE THE CHATTER
- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
- BE DISCIPLINED
VERY IMPORTANT- Do not allow the negativity to block the view of your squad, your cheerleaders, those people that have your back, your mentors and coaches. Don’t forget these are the ones you want to focus and relay on. Sometimes we can get caught up complaining about the people that “don’t like us” and we ignore and take for granted the one’s that deserve our attention and focus.
I ENCOURAGE YOU TO FIND YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE OR MOTTO. THEN POST IT, SO YOU CAN REFER TO IT WHEN YOU NEED THAT FRIENDLY REMINDER.
HERE IS MINE: ‘THE MAN IN THE ARENA’
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
President Theodore Roosevelt
“THE MAN IN THE ARENA” is a famous quote by President Theadore Rosevelt. I adopted it as my motto after I heard Brene Brown refer to it in her book ” Daring Bravely”.